bad dream

Basically you randomly out of nowhere left me by texting me “I’m out”, but I needed to pretend everything was still okay for some reason.

But then we just kept communicating and I’d keep getting snaps from you where you were happy and everything was fine and you didn’t really even acknowledge the fact that you weren’t with me anymore and like, my mind was acc breaking. I was happy that you didn’t seem to be hurt at all and everything was fine for you but I really just wanted to die cuz I was that hurt.

I’d still message you and ask about your day and tell you I love you and stuff (because I was supposed to pretend everything was okay, idky) and even brought up the fact that you broke up w me and tried asking about it, but then on the days that you didn’t completely ghost me you only responded with happy “Today was fun! I did … and now we’re headed to …” type messages, followed by snaps of whatever you were up to, and I was just forced to be okay with this whole situation.

I honestly questioned whether I hallucinated our entire relationship in my head and nothing actually existed or actually happened. Like you were telling me about dates you were going on and stuff like it was no big deal, as if my relationship with you was entirely fictional and in my head.

I think for a couple days I kept messaging you asking to call because I just wanted to hear your voice and confirm to myself that you actually exist and that I hadn’t just completely fabricated memories of you and me in my head, but you kept saying “Hey I’m pretty busy today, maybe later” and by the end of the week I was on my way to find a big building or something to jump off of but then I woke up.