dissociated

Between 5:30 and 7:30 today I did a lot of thinking and it feels like I came to some conclusions.

The first was that I’m happy to stick with a data-related career. And I think I still want to aim to end up as a machine learning engineer that primarily does ML system architecture (it’s okay if these words mean nothing, it’s not important). Why this is an important revelation is because now I can let go of the idea of doing embedded dev (similar to what Dhruv and Andrew do I think) as a job and just focus on progressing in the realm I’m currently in. I’m still interested in it, but I think it’ll be better for me to do it as a hobby.

The second thing is that I am constantly angry and upset.

Jealous of everyone

Disconnected/dissociated with myself; I’m physically present but “me” isn’t really there. Cuz don’t have the time or space to bring that me around cuz of how upset I am and I don’t want to burden with that when I myself don’t even understand what’s wrong with “me”