everything at once

I’m excited and nervous about everything. I’m excited to live with my baby, but I’m nervous about being away from the comfort of the home I already know. I’m really glad it’s easy to travel between our condo and mount pleasant cuz that means if I ever need to suddenly go home it’s not impossible

I’m nervous about the photoshoot and the decor thing and wedding clothing

And to top things off work has been absolutely brutal since January, and it won’t let up for another month at least, maybe two

And it’s so blisteringly cold every single day, I wish life just slowed down in the winter so we could hibernate like bears so then I’d get some sort of break

And I’m scared of feeling lonely and I’m scared that I’m going to lose touch with people and I’m scared that bad things will happen in life and I won’t be able to do anything about it and I’m scared that I’ll never feel at peace and I’ll never have a morning where I wake up and I’m not worried about some problem

I don’t do any hobbies or anything anymore, I haven’t gone to the gym in many weeks, I feel very momentary temporary happiness if something good happens and I feel anxious and stressed every other time I’m awake

I constantly feel that I’m not good enough or capable enough at doing any of the things I’m required to do in a daily basis, I feel like life is chaotic and I can’t keep up no matter what I do. I’m scared of disappointing every person I care about because I can’t consistently be the person they expect me to be and I can’t always handle doing the things they want me to do