it hurts

when I tell her “I love you so much”, it’s an incomplete sentence. I’m omitting the words “.. it hurts”; I don’t really understand why exactly but I love her so much it’s kinda painful. like in a heartache kinda way. all I can think of is that I really really really want this to go well, she’s acc perfect (ik ik, for me, but I genuinely think wifey is perfect). and simultaneously I’m becoming increasingly aware that it would hit me HARD if it doesn’t pan out. probably a level of pain I haven’t experienced before, which makes it even scarier to think about. like it’s still relatively early but I can tell; if the end of something objectively not so great made me unable to eat sleep or function for two weeks, I’m genuinely afraid of what my response would be if this ended. I don’t even know if I could acc get over it, I think it’d feel like a close family member passed away or maybe feel like losing a limb or function of a really important body part. It’s not even helpful to be mentally worked up over this, especially when everything is going so good and i feel incredibly happy when I’m with her and she seems happy to be with me, but I’ve never really been a happy person so ig it’s j natural to think negatively.