moody

Yk my mood fluctuates a lot almost every day, or atleast multiple times a week.

There’s always a creeping depressive period that culminates with me just zoning out and sitting doing nothing. Or it’ll present itself as intense anxiety and feeling overwhelmed but my mind is too cloudy to isolate whats bothering me in particular. So I’ll attempt to distract myself with something comforting but it never works and I end up wasting a lot of time.

Then there’s either just cold detachment or short, intense anger followed by cold detachment. Basically a “fuck everything idc bout nothing anymore, ima move countries and not tell anybody” feeling. And then I’m just zoned out and tired till I go to sleep. And on the weekends especially I wake up already feeling aggravated so there’s very little time in the day where I feel fine.

Actually I feel the best on Monday mornings and the beginning of the feeling bad is near the end of the day on Fridays. I complain to myself about work but I like that I can use “having to work” as an excuse to not do anything and not plan to do anything. My favourite days at work are the ones where I don’t have meetings and can just leisurely do my work.

I especially like our weekday FaceTime calls when you don’t have a super busy day, it’s just pleasant and comforting.

I dislike the weekend cuz it’s never relaxing and I can never just do nothing. The weekend doesn’t really ever feel like it’s for me, it just feels like it’s the couple days of the week where i gotta cater to others. I like getting coffee with one or two people max at a time, or going on a walk. I don’t like making bigger plans.

One thing I do enjoy a lot is seeing you one on one. Hanging out alone with you on a really simple date makes me feel happy and more energetic. Like my favourites are when we go fortinos or Tim’s or Thai express or Williams or we just sit in the car, i absolutely love the simple plans. The more people there are or the fancier the flex, the less I care about it tbh. Idk why it’s like that, but the #1 most important thing to me, the only thing I care about tbh is 1. Hugging you and 2. Being cozy and relaxed with you. Like that day we went to the library was a vacation to me.

Being at home is overwhelming sometimes. Most of the time. It’s my rents, i get tired after a while and it’s so just too much. Weekdays are nice, everyone is too busy to post attention to me so I’m at ease