new chapter

I’m nervous about this new adventure we’re embarking on, but I’m thankful I have you with me and we’re doing it together

I’m nervous about making the right decisions for us, the right place to live, the right financial choices for us, the right way to live, and everything else. And both you and I are symbolically leaving behind comfort and familiarity, all in the hope of achieving something for us

I used to not be able to go to social places with new people I didn’t know, I used to not be able to make calls to get things done (still struggle a bit with this one), I used to be scared of roaming around a new place trying to achieve something, I used to be terrified of spending a lot of money on decisions I wasn’t 1000000% certain about, I sometimes still get afraid of leaving the house or driving farther than 5 minutes away, or basically being in a position where I have to consciously plan survival. I still get lonely and panicked when I’m without familiar people and I’m unsure of when I’ll be in a comfortable environment again. Big huge projects involving multiple people are the hardest thing ever, but I used to also be extremely panicked about them 24/7 without being able to make progress.

So even this new thing of moving out of the nest and facing the challenges of independent living will be hard and scary and uncertain literally all the time. But one day at a time, things will get a tiny bit easier. Eventually it won’t be so tough to figure out how to feed ourselves, or how to take care of the place. Eventually it won’t be a logistical nightmare or as stressful to figure out what we need from home and when/how to retrieve it. Eventually we’ll figure out the routine of things that we’re capable of doing, and we’ll feel a tiny bit more capacity to stack another lego brick on top of things. Eventually we’ll know how to navigate renting and leases and payments. Eventually, one tiny tiny thing at a time, the things will fall into place and make room for another thing above it. Eventually it won’t just be cobbling together absolutely whatever food in order to not starve, but we’ll have a roster of things we learn to make and we like to eat. The frills can only happen when the base is solid, and by then we’ll be a lot more capable than we are now. Once upon a time we each moved to a strange new place and had to adapt to life, then we came back and had to adapt again. We’ll adapt once more, and then again after that, and after that too.