sad again

I’m sad because we don’t really talk about anything anymore. I think you’re okay with that, but I haven’t gotten to the feeling okay about that stage. Maybe there just isn’t much to talk about? Maybe I’m remembering a way things used to be, but reality wasn’t actually like that? Or maybe I’m just a lot more dependent on you for my emotional state than you’re dependent on me for your emotional state, idk

On call I pretend a lot. I feel good talking to you and seeing you, but I’m sad at the same time. So I smile and make the funny faces and stuff, but inside I don’t feel upbeat like that. But a lot of the time you actually make me forget that I’m sad (because you have rizz like that). Then for a while I get to stay in the happy state, while you’re on call with me and interacting with me. But then when you’re busy or have to go, it hits me again; it’s like waking up from a happy dream where everything was nice, and then my smile goes away and i immediately feel my energy leave.