Distance on ~/signaldrift

disconnect

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 05:11:03 +0000

You said that from your perspective I can’t really do anything or make progress on stuff or make things happen. I can understand why you see me that way, but it’s very untrue. It’s because the stuff I spend most of my time energy and attention on is stuff that I don’t talk about with anyone. I dont talk about those things because nobody cares about them or finds them interesting or valuable, but those things are valuable to me and give my life meaning.

disconnect again

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 13:41:57 +0000

Tbh I’m not even that upset at you about this

I kinda guessed you’d respond the way that you did

but it’s very clear to me that we have relationship things we need to address and work on if we want life to be good

and hey I’m not saying I’m in the right, I think both of us are at fault for stuff

I don’t think I can succinctly describe the issue and resolve it with you in a couple of minutes

the cost of surprises

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 22:52:50 +0000

Man I wish I could just talk to you about stuff, I really don’t like all this secrecy fr. Like if you don’t mind, I don’t ever wanna do some really big grand elaborate plan for you in secret again. It’s incredibly isolating, it’s incredibly uncertain, and I just feel a lot of distance between us cuz there’s this huge part of my daily life that you’re not even a part of and you don’t know details about.

parting ways

Wed, 02 Aug 2023 17:35:34 +0000

the sensation of parting ways after each time we see each other hurts my heart a lot. i have slightly gotten used to ignoring it, and its made better by the fact that even apart, we include each other in our daily lives; it still hurts though. sometimes i just think about what it was like to be with you the last time i was with you, and it acc feels like a dream. its just surreal, from the moment i’m first in your presence to the last second I see you its very dreamlike. and then as soon as i internalize that I’m apart from you again, it stings a little yk that day a while ago we had our toronto date? at the train station where we parted ways, i hugged you goodbye and had to go to the other side for the train i was taking. i don’t think you saw me, but i actually came back to your side just before you were getting in and I saw you get on the train and leave. I wanted to hug you again, i wanted to kiss you again, i wanted to tell you that i loved you again, i just needed to see you again. i chose not to get your attention because i knew it wouldn’t really matter in the grand scheme; we both still had to go our separate ways. and ofc i talk to you every day and still get to see you and hear you on facetime, and i’ve visited you plenty of times after that day too. still, even now i remember what it felt like to turn around and walk back to my side of the platform yk those dreams where you wake up and at first you feel confused because you had this whole other life built up over what felt like years. and you were in the middle of something extraordinary and beautiful before suddenly being ejected from that reality, and then you wake up in an eerily familiar place. Over the next few seconds while you reacclimatize to the real world theres this feeling of longing for the world you just left behind, the fleeting idea that you’re leaving behind something crucial and you need to go back for it. And ofc a couple minutes into your day this feeling evaporates, even for the most captivating dreams. But those couple seconds after you wake up from such a dream, that’s what it feels like to part ways with you.