Effort on ~/signaldrift

the cost of surprises

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 22:52:50 +0000

Man I wish I could just talk to you about stuff, I really don’t like all this secrecy fr. Like if you don’t mind, I don’t ever wanna do some really big grand elaborate plan for you in secret again. It’s incredibly isolating, it’s incredibly uncertain, and I just feel a lot of distance between us cuz there’s this huge part of my daily life that you’re not even a part of and you don’t know details about.

still bad at gifts

Sun, 14 Jan 2024 00:12:56 +0000

I think I’m overall a good boyfriend objectively. I believe I’m good at expressing and articulating myself. I think I’m attentive and I prioritize you over everything mostly. I think that if I continue being this way, you won’t regret being with me forever and I can offer you a happy life together. You should correct me if I’m wrong in my thinking obv, cuz I need to know if my perception of myself is how you perceive me

What I don’t feel confident about is gifts and dates (among other things, but these come to mind rn). I feel that I’m not good at fresh date ideas, and I also feel I’m very bad at gifts. It makes sense, I don’t have much practice with either, but I feel bad about it. I just don’t want to bore you, or to not offer you a fun time. I don’t think I’m good at romantic dates either, I feel inept at taking you on interesting dates or coming up with fresh date ideas

For gifts, I’m no good at clothes so it would be a bad idea to try and buy you clothes. I really want to get you jewelry but idk how and I fear you won’t like it and you won’t tell me that you don’t like it and so you won’t ever wear it (not to mention that I anticipate you’ll make it really hard for me by not cooperating when I want any measurements from you or info about your preferences). I mean my mom tried giving you some gifts too but from what I can tell those were misses. That’s fine but the only feedback I got was through lack of feedback and observing over long periods of time. I’m not any better at style or fashion or anything like that, it’s just so unlikely I’ll pick something you’ll acc like and you probably won’t be upfront about feedback so I’ll never improve.

And most of all I always obsess over whether a gift for you is enough effort/thoughtfulness or not, and I almost always conclude it’s not good enough and I stop. Genuinely, this stuff upsets me a lot. You never even accept me paying for you on anything (or now even paying for myself), so it’s intimidating to me to try and give you gifts. I like the idea of giving you things randomly unexpectedly (that’s why I’ve done it in the past a couple times), but I feel very stuck now. I can’t top myself and I don’t know what you like.

I’m not expecting you to solve this for me or offer your help, I just wanted to tell you this stuff just to tell you, I just wanted you to listen to me so ty ❤️

bad at gifts

Sat, 13 Jan 2024 23:48:11 +0000

what it means

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 23:45:18 +0000

tbh the gift wasn’t about the gift itself, it was more to show you what lengths I’d go for you

and it’s not that I’ll never make that thing or anything like it, it’s just that it’s almost a fulltime job to do the engineering work to create the thing and it’s just infeasible to work on it alongside my job rn :(

cuz like if I’m acc serious about making that thing (or something else in the same category), it’s something I can potentially turn into a product/business on the side. and that kinda thing could really help us financially yk. So the actual gift isn’t the object itself, it’s about what it means Im willing to do for us