https://signaldrift.pages.dev/tags/introspection/Recent content in Introspection on ~/signaldriftHugoen-usThu, 01 Aug 2024 01:24:45 +0000https://signaldrift.pages.dev/posts/default-state-exhaustion/Wed, 31 Jul 2024 19:52:31 +0000https://signaldrift.pages.dev/posts/default-state-exhaustion/<blockquote> <p>Also how come you just didnt say you cant come today earlier instead of saying it was cuz of the drive</p> </blockquote> <p>I was thinking over it at that time. I didn’t mean to like, evade a real reason or anything. I just feel really exhausted out of nowhere. I’m currently trying to convince myself to go to the gym in a bit</p> <p>Idky like my shoulders ache and I’m kinda jittery as if I had too much caffeine (which maybe I did today now that I think about it..)</p>https://signaldrift.pages.dev/posts/who-am-i/Thu, 30 May 2024 23:50:20 +0000https://signaldrift.pages.dev/posts/who-am-i/<p>I find myself constantly grasping for something because I’m deeply dissatisfied with who I am. I think I want to be a certain person and I don’t think I am that person. Or maybe in my head I see myself as that person but I recognize externally I’m not that person. That’s why I have all these projects and things I try to do that are beyond my reach, why I spend most of my waking time consumed by different things that don’t relate to my job or my day to day life. I’m searching for some sort of meaningful thing that I want my life to be about, but even I recognize that likely isn’t how life works. Almost every waking moment when I’m alone and not doing my job or doing survival upkeep, I’m researching things online. I go down several YouTube and Reddit rabbit holes every day, usually on some technical topics I convince myself I’m interested in. Or I’m drafting up project ideas that, if I actually managed to do, would make me the person who I think I want to be.</p>